the thing about pain...

**Disclaimer... this post gives away important information about the book and movie The Fault in Our Stars. Read on if you're okay with that. 

I've never seen a more book fulfilling movie than The Fault in Our Stars. Completely spot on and anything that was left out did not make a major impact on the overall effect, in my opinion.

The realization came like this... In the center of a theater, with silent tears streaming down my face, I listened to a crowd of strangers sob as Hazel watched her love, Augustus Waters, die of cancer. Augustus was the symbol to many of us in the audience of someone significant in our lives that has been lost. The tears that fell and the cries that muffled out in that theater spoke clearly to me. Not a single life has been untouched by the pain of losing somebody to cancer. Whether it be somebody known through association or somebody very close. {That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt} I won't speak about my grandma or my grandpa that I just lost because I can't. But the silent connection that filled the theater was a reminder that we are not alone in our loss. God has a beautiful way of showing us light in a dark situation through connections with other human life. Even though pain demands to be felt, we don't have to isolated in our sorrows. Beautiful connections come out of unfortunate situations. I think August and Hazel Grace did a wonderful job of portraying that to us in their battle with cancer.

letters from my heart: the truth about moving

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This blog series I started earlier this summer and so far have only posted one topic. Today I want to explain what is on my heart with the topic of moving. Traveling and living in places other than where I grew up has always been something that is on my heart. These desires are placed there by God and I believe what I am doing with my life is what God wants of me. For those of you who don't know I will be moving back to Texas for a job this Wednesday.

For me, moving away the first time was a dream come true. *Moving away the first time was this past January to Houston for student teaching. I lived there from January til June and came home for the summer. I took a job in Houston as a 6th grade Language Arts teacher that will start here in August. As I left my family on this adventure it was all so new and exciting. As I said my goodbyes to my family I didn't really even cry. It wasn't until two months later that it hit me. I went through the first 8 weeks of student teaching on cloud 9. I loved every second of it. I thought it was perfect and at the time in my mind I was staying in Texas to teach.

The decision was made to fly home for my spring break to visit my family. I arrived and was greeted at the airport by my mom and friend Moriah. The week made me realize how homesick I was. Not only was I homesick, I was physically sick too during the time home. I left my family at the airport feeling like a dark tunnel of sadness was covering me in. As soon as I got back to Houston I was incredibly homesick. The kind of sadness where you can't function. That was what I was up against. After getting back into the swing of my new Texas life I began to enjoy it again and I reached out and made some new friends.

In March I was presented with two teaching job offers and was asked to make a decision quickly. If I would have been presented with these opportunities earlier on in the first 8 weeks I would have jumped right on it. However, after being homesick I wasn't sure what to do. I prayed a lot in the few days that I had to make my decision. With the help of countless conversations with close friends and family about my decision I came to the conclusion that it was best to give it a go than to regret not trying. I can always move home if I don't like it but I may always regret not staying. < That was the major conclusion from all points of view. I know for certain that regrets are something I try to live without.

I made the trip back to Iowa at the beginning of June and have spent this summer at home with my family and friends. Being around everyone for the past two months has made me realize how sad I am to go back to Texas. Don't get me wrong, in my heart I really do want to be there. I know I'm doing what I've always dreamed of but I never imagined how hard it would be. When I used to think about moving I always thought about how fun it would be and homesickness never even crossed my mind. After moving away I know differently now. I know that as I go back it will be a transition. I will be homesick but it will only be a building block for my strength. As much as I love my family these are the things I have to do for myself to feel fulfilled.

I know that this experience will be one in a lifetime for me and I am so grateful to have that. I am also so grateful for my family for the support. Without them my dreams would not come true. So a big thanks to my parents.

Keep coming back to read about my adventures in Texas!